Tales From The Grid is a surreal thought experiment about AI, algorithms, technology
…and you thought this was all going to be about computers
A donkey was awarded a medal once for saving lives when the system failed.
This is a true story. Trust me, if I could make this up, I would and I would tell you.
25 April 1915
Allow me to introduce “Murphy” the donkey and his human, John.
John Simpson Kirkpatrick wasn’t trying to be Rambo.
• The History: He was a stoker (firefighter) in the merchant navy. He actually deserted and joined the army thinking it was a free ticket back home to England.
• The Glitch: Instead of England, the system shipped him to Gallipoli (a peninsula in Turkey near the Aegean Sea)
• The Reaction: He didn’t charge the enemy lines. He found a stray donkey, realized the medical evacuation system was broken (stupid), and decided to fix it himself.
• The Vibe: John looked at the blockage (wounded men dying in the gully) and created a workflow (The Donkey) to clear it. He did this under fire, ignoring the “Managers” (Officers) shouting at him.
Murphy the donkey wasn’t military issue. He was just a local donkey caught in the crossfire
Murphy didn’t panic. He just walked up and down the hill, carrying 300 men, likely thinking, “This is a very loud day at the office.”
Murphy is the “squeaky cart” that actually works when million-dollar tech fails.
…Cut to 82 Years Later
The fact that they were awarded the Purple Cross in 1997 is the philosophical punchline.
• The System: “We cannot honor him because he was a deserter who didn’t follow standard stretcher-bearer protocol.”
• The Reality: He saved 300 lives.
Murphy was not Military. He was Shadow IT.
The Procurement: He was a local donkey found wandering the gullies of Gallipoli. He likely belonged to a Greek water carrier before the war started.
The Hack: John Simpson Kirkpatrick (a stoker, not a medic) realized the official evacuation protocol (stretchers) was inefficient and dangerous. It required two to four men to carry one wounded soldier.
The Solution: Kirkpatrick “social engineered” the donkey into service. Murphy became a force multiplier. One donkey + one man = one ambulance, freeing up other soldiers.
The Daily Donkey Loop
Morning: Walk up Shrapnel Gully (a place literally named after metal falling from the sky).
Task: Carry water and supplies to the front.
Afternoon: Walk down under sniper fire carrying a bleeding man on his back.
Performance Metrics: Murphy did this for 24 days straight.
The Vibe: Witnesses described the donkey as “oblivious.” While shrapnel was tearing up the ground, Murphy would occasionally stop to eat a patch of grass. Murphy woke up and thought “The world is exploding, but I have found a snack. Priority One: Snack.”
The 82-Year Ticket Resolution (The Purple Cross)
1915: Murphy and Kirkpatrick are killed (Kirkpatrick by a sniper; Murphy’s fate is debated, but he likely died or was evacuated and abandoned).
1915–1996: The file sits in the “Pending” bin. The human (Simpson) becomes a legend. The hardware (Murphy the donkey) is treated as a prop.
1997: The RSPCA Australia finally processes the ticket and awards the Purple Cross.
The Citation: For “outstanding acts of bravery.”
The Glitch: It took humanity nearly a century to officially recognize that the donkey was the one doing the heavy lifting.
The Latency: It took the bureaucracy 82 years to debug their own moral code and realize: “Oh. Saving people is good. We should probably give the donkey a treat.”
If you feel like Sisyphus today, just think how, in 82 years, you might be posthumously awarded a medal for bravery.
(Technically. Murphy was at least 5 donkeys but this is a better summary. The rest is all true)
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