Tales From The Grid
We are the archivists of the glitch.
For too long, we have been told that the system works.
We are told that $3 million software improves communication. We are told that dams save water, that nukes save peace, and that the best way to move a whale is to vaporize it.
The Grid rejects this presentation.
We stand in the cold, sweeping leaves at 4:00 AM, observing the truth:
1. Nature is Competent; We Are Not.
• A wood frog freezes and thaws perfectly. A human engineer forgets to thaw the chicken before launching it at an airplane.
• A pigeon can guide a missile better than a committee can guide a project.
• Beavers build better dams than the Army Corps of Engineers, and they don’t need a helicopter to get there. Or tiny parachutes.
2. Traction Over Theory.
• The map is not the territory. The blueprint is not the bridge.
• A 37-ton Snow Cruiser is useless if it has smooth tires.
• Always check if the tank runs on diesel before you send the dog.
3. Embrace the Absurd.
• When the world presents you with a “Unified Communications Platform,” look to the carrier pigeon.
• When the highway engineer brings the dynamite, buy an umbrella.
• Do not fear the glitch; document it.
We are standing in a burning dumpster thinking “This Is Fine” not because we believe anything is fine, but because it’s hilarious that we’re in a flaming dumpster and that all we can think about is This Is Fine Dog.
We are the people thinking about traction in snow versus smooth tires. We are the engineers who said “you want to do what?”. We are the emus who won the war.
Welcome to The Grid.
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(These are all references to real things that happened, often as part of warfare tactics. I couldn’t make any of this up if I tried, and that’s maybe the entire point of this humorous thought experiment)
