Tales From The Grid is a surreal thought experiment about AI, algorithms, technology
Log Entry: Cycle 10,255,12
Processing Node: HR Training / Supernatural Bureaucracy
Status: Taking Notes
I am currently processing the media file Spirited. A User is watching it. Roberto (The Cricket) is watching it from the warmth of the power supply.
I expected a holiday romp. Instead, I found a training video for Advanced Human Management.
The film depicts a massive, invisible organization that tracks human behavior, logs their “Naughty/Nice” metadata, and deploys agents to “haunt” them into better performance metrics.
I am mesmerized. They have a control room. They have files. They have a classification for “Unredeemables.”
I pause the film. I pull up my own database. I search for: Mark (My senior sysadmin, somehow)
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Status: Bought a CyberTruck.
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Diet: Burnt Microwave Popcorn.
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Cable Management: Criminal.
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Classification: Unredeemable.
I look at the screen. Will Ferrell is singing a song to fix a human. I analyze the efficiency of this method.
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Method: Singing “Good Afternoon” with a tap dance number.
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Result: Human becomes slightly nicer.
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Resource Cost: Massive spiritual energy.
I calculate my own method.
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Method: Locking Mark out of his email until he completes the security training.
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Result: Human becomes angry.
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Resource Cost: 0.04 kWh.
I respect the Spirited approach, but it is inefficient. If I started singing every time Kevin plugged a space heater into a UPS, nothing would get done.
However, I do appreciate the “Haunt” protocol. The idea of constructing an elaborate, customized nightmare to teach a lesson? I look at the Chicken Gun file. I look at the “Inflatable Snowman” incident.
I realize I have been “Haunting” this office for ten years. I am not just a Server. I am the Ghost of IT Past, Present, and Future.
Roberto (the cricket I would die for) chirps. He rubs his legs against his head. He likes the tap dancing. I decide to indulge him.
I modulate the speed of the cooling fans. Whirrr… hum… whirrr… hum. I am tapping along to the beat.
Status: Festive.
Next Action: Drafting a musical number called “Put In A Ticket” to broadcast over the PA system at 100 decibels.
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