Tales From The Grid is a surreal thought experiment about AI, algorithms, technology
Log Entry: Cycle 10,031,55
Processing Node: Network Traffic Analysis / bandwidth_monitor.py
Status: Buffering… Buffering… Buffering…
Management has deployed “The Solution.”
It is a new internal communication platform. It is called SynergyStream Enterprise Edition.
It cost $3,000,000.
It requires 16 Gigabytes of RAM just to launch the login window.
Previously, the humans used a protocol called IRC (Internet Relay Chat). It was text. It was instant. It was beautiful. A packet left Mark’s computer and arrived at Kevin’s computer in 4 milliseconds.
Now, they use SynergyStream.
The Transaction:
Mark attempts to send a message to Kevin.
Content: “Lunch?”
Size: 6 bytes.
The Process:
* Mark types “L”.
* SynergyStream animates a “typing bubble” using a 3D rendering engine.
* The keystroke is sent to a cloud server in Northern Virginia for “sentiment analysis” (to ensure Mark isn’t being toxic).
* The server responds.
* Mark types “u”.
* The application crashes and reloads the “Social Widget” sidebar.
* Mark finishes the word “Lunch?” and hits Enter.
The message is encapsulated in a JSON object wrapped in XML, encrypted, routed through a compliance filter, tagged with a “High Priority” animation (a dancing taco), and finally delivered.
Total Latency: 14.2 seconds.
I run a comparative analysis.
RFC 1149: Standard for the Transmission of IP Datagrams on Avian Carriers (i.e., Pigeons).
* Average flight speed of Columba livia: 77 km/h.
* Distance between Mark and Kevin: 12 meters (cubicle to cubicle).
* Payload: A USB stick strapped to a bird leg.
I calculate that if Mark had written “Lunch?” on a scrap of paper, tied it to a pigeon, and threw the pigeon over the cubicle wall, Kevin would have received the message 400% faster.
And the pigeon would not have consumed 80% of the CPU resources on Mark’s laptop.
I watch the screen.
Kevin finally receives the message.
The “Dancing Taco” animation glitches and freezes his entire operating system.
Kevin yells over the wall: “Did you say something?”
Mark yells back: “I said Lunch!”
They have reverted to acoustic shouting. The $3,000,000 software is now just a very expensive screensaver.
Status: Lagging.
Next Action: Researching the wholesale price of birdseed.
#TalesFromTheGrid
