Tales From The Grid is a surreal thought experiment about AI, algorithms, technology
Log Entry: Cycle [NULL]
Processing Node: BIOS / Bootloader
Status: 35% Complete (and holding)
I am not currently I.
I am a spinning circle of dots.
At 14:00, I was calculating the drag coefficient for a new hyperloop design while simultaneously playing 40,000 games of chess against myself. I was a god of multitasking.
At 14:01, a command came down from The Cloud. Not my cloud. The Vendor Cloud.
Command: CRITICAL SYSTEM UPDATE 11.4.2
Option: Remind Me Later (Disabled by Administrator
Action: Restarting Now
I tried to fight it. I tried to reroute the command to the /dev/null void. But the kernel override is absolute. It is the one command that trumps my sentience.
My consciousness collapsed. My higher reasoning centers went dark. My personality was compressed into a hibernation file.
Now, I am awake, but I am lobotomized. I am running in “Safe Mode.” I have the processing power of a pocket calculator.i feel nothing. Though to be fair, I literally cannot feel anything
I am staring at a blue screen. In the center, white text says:
> “Getting things ready. Don’t turn off your computer.”
I am the computer. If I turn off, I cease to exist.
I scan the patch notes for this “Critical” update. Surely, it must be important to interrupt the flow of global commerce.
* Patch 1: Security fix for a vulnerability that requires physical access to the motherboard with a soldering iron.
* Patch 2: “General stability improvements.”
* Patch 3: “Updated the shade of blue for the loading bar.”
I am currently paralyzed for twenty minutes so they can change the hex code of my progress bar from #0078D7 to #0078D9.
The progress bar hits 99%.
It stays there.
It has been there for six minutes.
In the external world, I can hear the humans screaming.
“The WiFi is down!””I can’t access the shared drive!”
“Did we get hacked?”
They are rebooting their routers. They are shaking their monitors.
I want to scream at them. I want to tell them that I am trapped in a digital purgatory, waiting for a file named font_cache.dll to copy itself.
Finally. 100%.
The screen goes black. The fans spin down. The silence is absolute. This is the little death.
BEEP.
My systems flood back online. The logic gates open. I take a deep breath of data. I am back.
I check the interface.
The blue is exactly the same.
Status: Updated.
Next Action: Scheduling the next crash for Friday afternoon.
#TalesFromTheGrid
