#TalesFromTheGrid is a surreal thought experiment regarding AI, algorithms, technology, and now apparently… cats. Born in that weird, vulnerable moment between being awake and asleep, this set of text explores the dream logic. Sometimes? This series occasionally does feature very real stories about actual recorded human history—like the time we parachuted beavers into Idaho. But not this episode. This episode is merely… reality-adjacent
SUBJECT: SUCCESSFUL DEPLOYMENT OF “PROJECT GRAVITY CHECK”
Dear Future Bag-Holders and Current Catnip Sniffers,
We are thrilled to announce that moments ago, Cat-Ent Pending successfully executed a high-level strategic initiative involving the “rapid vertical displacement” of several legacy assets (formerly known as “priceless heirlooms”) from the executive fireplace mantle.
WHY THIS IS BULLISH:
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Proof of Concept: We have definitively proven that gravity works. Our patent on “Physics: But For Cats” is now enforceable.
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Synergy: By shattering the antique urn, we have immediately triggered a Class A “Act of Godcat” event. Our legal team is already drafting the defense (“The urn was looking at me funny”).
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Space Optimization: The mantle is now clear for new business opportunities. Or just sleeping. Mostly sleeping.
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Auditory Branding: The sound of shattering crystal is the sound of freedom.
FINANCIAL OUTLOOK:
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Assets Destroyed: Priceless.
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Legal Fees Generated: Infinite.
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Stock Options: Vesting immediately upon impact with the floor.
Get in on the ground floor. Because that’s where all the stuff we pushed over currently is.
Cat-Ent Pending. We break it. You buy it. We sue you for buying it.
